Golden Compass bear

So there’s this movie I’m insanely passionate about titled “The Golden Compass” which is possibly one of the coolest philosophical movies ever created which is disguised as a kid movie. I love everything about it including the references to parallel universes, spirit demons, and even mind manipulation. Which by the way one day I’d really like to own the Golden Compass “actual compass” that I saw for sale on a brochure inside the dvd case. It’s like two hundred bucks which is kind of expensive for a splurge. Maybe a devoted fan might surprise me with it hehe. What tickles me the most about the movie are the animals (and the travel scenes too). There are some beautiful white polar bears along with dozens of spectacular animals, mostly created with cgi effects. Recently, I had this spontaneous idea to go shopping at Goodwill and the universe led me to this unbelievable stuffed white polar bear animal which reminds me very much of the polar bear character from the movie. I LOVE this animal! Soooo cute! I love hugging and squeezing it, lying my back on it, letting my head rest between its arms like a pillow. *DEW* It gives me beautiful squishy feelings in my stomach. I love it! So here’s a couple pics of me being silly with my new animal

We’re waving!

Speaking of animals, I’ve been recently obsessed with the book “Animal Speak” which talks about animals as totems. For years, I’ve been mostly a feline (cat and panther), however also connect with squirrels, giraffes, and sometimes bears. Right now my heart is telling me to begin embracing the flamingo as one of my totems, since I’ve often struggled at maintaining quantity (not quality) relationships. Flamingos work well in groups (I’m tired of being a successful loner) so I want to embrace the qualities of being a follower, not a leader. I want to learn to listen better. Not hear, but listen. I want to learn to be more empathetic, even when bored shitless. One of my biggest difficulties is staying focused on people who I feel don’t display their passions on their sleeves. If someone bores me, it’s extremely challenging for me to want to remain interested long enough to show even the slightest bit of care. It’s my goal to learn how to be empathetic to people who are in bad moods. My previous behavioral patterns would involve dissolving a potential relationship simply because the other party talked about things without showing visual signs of passion. For instance, when I’m passionate, my voice elevates in volume, my hands gesture, the intensity of my speech increases, my speech gets faster, my eye contact becomes very focused, and all I can think about is getting my point across and convincing my audience to become passionate along with me. However, there are other people out there who don’t express passion the same way I do so sometimes I fail at noticing when other people are genuinely trying to connect. Perhaps that’s why I get so bored with people when I meet them for the first time. Most of the time it’s *me* who’s trying to get THEM passionate about things or asking them what *they’re* passionate about and it takes so much maintenance and energy! I really really want to learn to be more low-key and laid back so that I can have a larger support system of allies in Earth-game. It’s all about recognizing different patterns of passion. That’s all it comes down to, I suppose, so my goal is to observe body language carefully when I ask the question, “So what’s your passion?”

If someone were to ask me what *my* passions are, my eyes would get all big and I’d turn speechless because the list is so long and many things excite me! Expressing interest, check. Fun. Now I want to learn the art of reaching to people who have scowls on their faces in public places so I can empower them. Up until now, it’s been hard for me to even *want* to talk to someone in a pissed off mood. Let’s face it though. Most of the nine to five crowd work mundane jobs (where they’re bored to death), wear mundane clothes (that fail to reflect any personality), or are couch potatoes when they get home so the only way it seems to connect to them is by talking about television. I want to realize their passions so that I can stop judging people for being, well… boring. It seems the best way to connect to them is simply to ask them how their days went and just let them vent. But does that justify having a relationship with them? I feel there must be at least some equal energy exchange to qualify an incentive to reach out. When I make a new friendship or relationship, I’d like something in return - whether it be words of wisdom, a friendly story, or something enlightening. If I feel the person is likely to leech off my energy or wear me down, then I question the possibility for any sustainable friendship. *sigh* I do agree that any foreseeable problem is likely my own fault because it’s my job to communicate what relationship agreements I expect or want in any pursuit. It’ll take some time to perfect the art of telling people what kind of energy exchange I’d like, since frankly - I’ve been used to holding that sort of stuff inside and letting it bottle up. Anyway these are just rambling thoughts. Fun fun.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox