Sim in a sim

It’s been five or six years since I’ve played the Sims, one of the top video games in existence. There was a time when all I did with my life was play the Sims, in fact, I think it was indirectly involved in my marriage falling apart cause all I did was play the video game and work on my book while my husband would be with his friends in the living room. The game was an obsession, and it really had very little to do with actually playing the game. My favorite participation involved creating objects for the video game, which people would download from my website. Back then, I went by the stage name “Psychofairy” and had millions and millions of people download my Sims objects (some hacked, some simply redesigned) into their video game for more customization. Then I got burned out and left my stuff in the hands of dozens of fansites and forums.

The reason I mention all this is because I’m discovering a new fascination for the Sims and it has very little to do with the games itself. For the last several months, it appears as though (to me), there is a Creator or Observer directly watching me as if I am a video game character. The thing is, my Creator is very cool because when I ask nicely for something, I usually end up getting it. And what’s cool is that any of us could ask for something and have it magically delivered. That’s the beauty of it. Sometimes I feel like I’m constantly being watched, and no I’m talking about the internet. I’m talking about something celestial and supernatural. It’s not that unrealistic to believe there are other life forms or another observer(s) out there watching us like rats in a maze. There are millions of signs out there, every single day, that seem to stick out to me that we’re being watched - like we’re a sim character in a Sims game. Ironically, I feel SAFE being watched. Call me a dork, but when I’m alone and looking in the mirror, I have conversations with myself. There is always someone listening. It’s sooo sexy! It’s like constantly having an audience who really likes us.

So this brings up one very interesting topic. Sleep. Sims have to sleep. We, as humans, have to sleep. BUT WHY???!!! Whose idea was it that we had to sleep? Why must we sleep? When I start getting all antsy, everyone tells me I need some sleep, that my eyes are red, and that I’m talking too fast and incoherently. It makes no sense to me. Surely there were people who stayed awake all the time in the past who ended up geniuses. What Earth law is there that says we have to sleep? I mean, I understand the importance of having dreams during the sleeping state, sure. In my opinion, dreams are directly correlated to how we think and feel in our every day lives. But we can dream without sleeping, right? We do have daydreams. And creative visualizations have a lot to do with how we can control our daydreams in the waking state, at least from what I can tell.

I’m rambling. Maybe I’ve stopped making sense. All I know is that I feel I’m being watched and it’s a beautiful feeling. Who knows. Maybe there are an infinite number of Gods out there and each one debates each other. For all I know, we are all aliens here on the earth and all of us have to pretend to be human. Our language barriers are the only thing preventing us from communicating to the best of our abilities - that and underlying emotions of fear and “Oh my god, what if I say this and get a bad response.” I’d like to think I’m fearless, but when it comes to always saying what’s on my mind, sometimes I turn into scaredy-pants. It’s not like I keep my mouth shut. It’s just that I’ll tiptoe around my point hoping the other party will get it. Now I gotta learn how to say my point without sounding like a crazy person. My points are becoming more and more direct, and frankly, it scares the bejesus out of me. A little trip to Mannersville and perhaps even, Stepford Wives-ville would do me some good.

I don’t know what it is I want or don’t want anymore. I don’t know anything. I give up. Everything I thought I knew makes no sense. This earth can’t be real. All we are - are video game characters. We’re being played with. I’m so tired of trying to understand the meaning of purpose. All the answers have been thrown away. All I know is that it feels good to live with integrity and damn if I forgot how to do that. I’d do anything to have a life manual. My only concern is that life manuals will make us all the same… and predictable. Grrrr to predictable. I wanna continue to be spontaneous and rambunctious. *bangs head*.

I leave this post with a photo montage.