Spreading happiness

I’m so happy it somehow feels wrong to talk about it in my journal because deep down inside I assume other people will hate me for being so happy. I wish there was a way I could communicate in a way that spreads all my happiness to others - because the truth is, everytime I allow myself to feel love/loved, I end up so inspired I post free stuff all over my site. And in a world so defined by money, I could easily charge people to read my blog like competitors do, and especially with the amount of traffic that reads this, you think I’d be smarter and charge people. The truth is, I love doing so much for free that I do it for ME and I don’t charge myself to read my own writing. Maybe it makes me a bad business woman. But it makes me a happy one. I’d rather be happy and in debt, which technically I am… than wealthy and miserable. As the saying goes, don’t worry, be happy.

It’s also easy to assume that customers don’t want photos of another guy (especially since guys are soooo jealous of someone who has a penis) in my journal because so many people get secretly jealous that he makes me happy that since he/she isn’t in the photo beside me that somehow it excludes them. I enjoy posting photos of us because it documents and scrapbooks our lives and it’s fun to carry a camera around in public to share it with YOU later! If I didn’t have to sugar-coat my language for so many sensitive human beings, I’d be more inclined to say what I really want to say online. The problem is, it doesn’t matter how happy or hurt I get, there is always some anonymous person who is going to hate me so much they blast cruel words at me in hopes I feel it. That’s part of the reason I’m so happy. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s cause I’m finally understanding, even though I still don’t fully understand, the reason why people who have attention from others are sometimes hated. I try so hard to get people to like me that most of the time I can’t even stand myself and I beat myself up. Sometimes I beat myself up so much that I heal myself by reminding myself I can’t please everyone. For me, that’s a hard message to grasp. How is it possible to even say a person can’t please everyone. In my world, I love everyone, so why wouldn’t they like me back? I cringe when I even hear the answer to that, so it’s a rhetorical question. Even Christians, especially christians, hate me - even though they’re technically supposed to love everyone. How is a Christian going to negotiate with Hitler to come into church if they’re not even willing to make fun of themselves and accept the fact that other people hold different view points? My mother, who claims to be so on fire for God she’d die for him, won’t even take the time to look at my tattoos and talk about motorcycles because she thinks it’s of the “world” - which in her mind, is the devil.

I could be a good pastor if I was willing to get in front of a pulpit and negotiate with people who think they’re right all the time. I’d even talk about strapons, sex, and some hardcore religion stuff that would scare people. And I’m sure I could make enough good points that Christians, Buddhists, Wiccans, and Atheists would show up just to hear what my message is. It could be fun to turn my journal into a pulpit, but I kind of like it better as a giant pit of “stuff” because who knows what I’ll talk about tomorrow.

We got our hats from Goodwill for $1.50 each. And Sir Maurice can’t see out of those sunglasses cause they’re non-prescription. It’s funny cause when we pretend to look cool, I think we actually look pretty hot.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox