Isabella Valentine at Disney World

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve updated and for that I apologize. I try really hard to be “on top of things” (so to speak) but it was adding a lot of pressure to me. To alleviate some of my own self-applied pressure, I decided to take a two week vacation which led me to Disney World and then meeting my knight’s family. It’s nice to be back home but I’m still not feeling quite back in “work mode” yet. I had been in a bit of a spiritual rut which left me more confused than fulfilled. It seems that every religion or faith-based belief system is naturally flawed by man and therefore anything I tried tapping into just made it harder for me to find footing and grounding. One thing that has helped was my discovery of Kabbalah which is, so far, one of the closest wisdom-science belief systems that seems to connect to me. I suppose what I’m searching for is within myself which makes it that much harder to find. It’s a good thing Lea~Koa is there when I need it.

And I suppose another reason I’ve neglected my journal is because I have no clue who my audience is. Sometimes I lose track of whether I’m writing for myself or for others. And to be perfectly honest, a lot of my own customers probably love me as much as they hate me - so I’m often conflicted as to what exactly people are looking for. Yeah, they want sex. I get that. If I were aligned with that, I’d make my journal a sex journal. But the more I keep strolling along my spiritual path, the less sex I want to create. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex - especially kinky sex. It would take an asteroid destroying the earth for me to change my sexual beliefs. Where I get lost is this: am I meant to please other people or please myself. And the truth is my own customers seem like they are never totally pleased. They always want something more or something different or something I haven’t offered or don’t even want to offer. It seems no matter what I do, people are never fully satisfied. I suppose that’s what happens when I’m at the top. Being at the top can be fun, but it’s also a lot of pressure to please skeptical outsiders who assume I should be able to force them to do stupid things that only please them. I’m not sure exactly what I want to do with my life right now. Maybe I’ll start a vegetarian restaurant or be a veterinarian. Animals are people I can live for and feel really great about. I just don’t feel the same satisfaction bending over backwards for customers who don’t even show their appreciation for my work. Perhaps tomorrow is a new day and I might reconsider some of these thoughts. But for today, I think I just want to watch the presidential debate and watch Obama kick McCain’s ass. I’ve got respect for both guys, but I think McCain is a fool for picking an idiot like Palin to back him up. I can’t vote for McCain if Palin is on the ticket. She makes herself look stupid. Other countries already think we’re stupid and she’s just fueling their fire.

On another note, I feel I need to work on discovering my own grace. How can Sophia Loren be so graceful and still look like she has it all together? I’ve always put grace and weakness in the same category. I suppose having grace is necessary to be or appear balanced.

There’s about a hundred photos taken from the Disney World experience if you’d like to see them. Check them out here in the photo album. Here’s a couple of them:

Love
Isabella
xooxoxox