Harry Truman once said, “Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.” I have no idea what his intention was behind that statement, but I’m not sure I agree with it whole-heartedly. To believe that, we would almost have to assume that we’re supposed to pretend to be genuine and sincere – to be approved by others (or to show approval to GET approval back). It seems to me as if that’s being a bit two-faced. Forgive me while I try to understand the logic behind that statement. I mean, I can certainly grock the definition of leading an audience to believe what I want them to believe, but why advocate it? Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t he elected president? When I think of a president, I think of of a leader oozing with charisma and off-the-charts communication skills (Bush could use some Obama tutorials). Knowing this, it seems quite expected that he would LEAD people to believe his sincerity even if he wasn’t. I still don’t understand why a leader would give people advice to be sincere if they don’t mean it.

On one hand, I can see his point. Sure. If we are “being” sincere, then technically we aren’t pretending. For some people, the art of pretending is precisely the same thing as “being” (for example, being hypnotized works simply by pretending, mainly.) On the other hand, if one doesn’t “mean” to be sincere, are they just play-acting?

I lived 17 years of my life in Alabama. Many people, including myself, make fun of  (or have made fun of) people who grew up in states where a majority of the people pride themselves on their ignorance. Hey, if ignorance is bliss, then the people I knew in Alabama are the happiest people in the world. It came as no surprise that because of this ignorance, many people would smile and “be fake genuine” to someone’s face and then turn around and talk smack about them behind their back. I remember sitting at dinner with my mother-in-law (when I was married back in 2000) and she and her daughter were making fun of a girl sitting at another table. I was shocked and appalled by this conversation and asked them to politely stop. When that didn’t work, I tried to divert the conversation to a happier subject. I even tried blatantly telling them what they were doing was wrong. They were literally blasting this girl behind her back, saying how ugly she was, how her hair looked bad, she had poor taste in clothes, and blah blah… you name it. They even made fun of her company of friends. Then seconds later, the girl looks up and she recognizes our family. She stands up to say hello and all of a sudden, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law burst into beautiful big smiles and pretend to be her best friend in the world. The minute the girl walked away, they made fun of her again as if wondering the audacity it was for her to join the conversation. I was appalled. It was that moment that I first began to feel ashamed for being associated with my in-laws.

That, and their many racial slurs. I remember wanting to invite some of my black friends to my wedding and the response I got from my mother-in-law was, “Have you okayed it with the church? Do they know you’re bringing colored people to the church?” I was shocked. There are no words that can adequately respond to that deep level of ignorance.

So how did Harry Truman do it? How does he practice people to be sincere even when they don’t mean it? That we pretend to like people to their faces but make fun of them behind their back? I would much rather someone hate me to my face, so at least then I can debate the reason why they feel the way they do. Or better yet, I can earn their love and loyalty. If someone is pretending to be sincere, I’ll be misled into believing something completely untrue. It would be quite a difficult challenge to ever advocate someone to embrace what I call “two-facism.”

The question one has to ask oneself is, “Is there beauty in being two-faced?” Technically, yes, there is. There is one-sided beauty. However, the other side is shrouded by a dark, black place that relies on one’s own insecurity to show an unreliable support for the other party. Could I forgive someone for being two-faced to me? Absolutely. Would I trust them if I knew they were being two-faced? Probably not. Trust. Trust. Trust. That’s a separate entry.

On the other hand, maybe always being nice to people avoids conflict. What do I know? Maybe I could learn a thing or two.

I’m also not sure agree with the comment, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Cause all people want to do is connect. In the most perfect kitchen, it’s likely one or more folks are going to be cooking. And if someone begins a conversation while cooking the rice while the other person is knifing a bunch of carrots, it’s likely someone might say, “It sure is hot in here.” Not necessarily because they’re hot, but because they want to show empathy to the other person who is sweating their ass off. And frankly, if the kitchen is hot and one can’t stand it, they should STAY THERE longer just so they can FEEL the temperature long enough to forgive it.

What’s the point of experiencing pain, hurt, and frustration unless there’s someone or something we have to forgive later? If we can’t forgive, that’s something we have to deal with. I’m still dealing with my forgiveness issues. I’ve gotten pretty dang far (I’m even to the point I could forgive my own rapists even if they were family members I trusted). A lot of those feelings of forgiveness came from STANDING the heat and dealing with it. If I could slightly tweak Mr. Truman’s response, I would say it like this: “If you can’t stand the heat, turn it up higher till you like it.”

One thing I’ve learned is that once I stopped complaining, I learned how to like things.

My theory:

For purposes of getting my point across, I will call the potential hater, “negatively expressive person (NEP),” and for the person being crucified, I will call them, “successfully recognized person (SRS).”

#1: Unwarranted envy. A NEP views an SRS on the internet or other communications-media who appears successful, whether financial or otherwise, and feels the celebrity doesn’t deserve it. The NEP also feels the SRS is receiving unfair attention based on creativity they personally may not like (or perhaps feel the success was ill-obtained, “lucky,” or undeserved) and feels he/she can say insensitive words and hide behind internet anonymity. The NEP begins to think, “That’s not fair. How can they be that successful and no one notices me like that? How come I’m not making that money? They suck.”

Consider this example: A man and wife are standing in line discussing how both of them want to lose weight and develop lean muscles. They are in a great mood, smiling, and happy. Then a man stands in line behind them without a shirt, proudly displaying his tan body, strong muscles, and defined abdomen. The couple instantly change their demeanor and instead begin to say, “Gee, look at him. Who goes outside like that? He should be ashamed of himself for showing off. I bet he does steroids. He’s such a show off.”

It’s the same correlation. Sometimes people see other people’s success and instantly justify their own lack of success by convincing themselves that the other person is “bad.”

#2: Insecurity. The NEP may think to oneself, “But I am smarter, more attractive, and/or more creative than that SRS”… so in efforts to draw more attention to themselves, they begin to embark on their journey to debunk the success of the SRS (or in some cases, every single competitor in their field). The NEP will deny being insecure and will choose instead to to harass and display expressions of public hatred. They secretly want the attention. “Hey, look at me! I’m over here! I’m better than this person. Why aren’t you all noticing me? Maybe I’ll say THIS so people will turn their heads over here.” For some, it is a successful way to temporarily achieve mild success. It never lasts though. It’s best to have friends in the business, rather than enemies. If the NEP constantly says hateful things about the SRS, it will cause bridges to burn which can never be undone, which will lessen the chances for written referrals from likely competitors, word-of-mouth references from customers, and eventually, lead to shuns from selective communities.

Consider this example: A female SRS appears highly successful, and is loved and adored by a particular community. The SRS creates products which are appreciated by thousands, if not millions, of people. Then a female NEP comes on to the scene as a newbie, perhaps trying to break into the industry. The NEP begins to say things in chatrooms to community members, assuming the SRS doesn’t know about it and says, “Who does that successful person think she is? She’s not all that. I can do better. She’ll fail once she sees me become successful. She sucks. I would never buy her crap. I hope her products bomb and never sell. Instead, come to me! Look how hot I am! Oh and by the way, just to piss her off, I’m going to attempt to flirt with her boyfriend and see if it angers her. I love hitting her with low blows. If she gets mad, that’ll just show the world that she’s jealous, not me! How cool is that? Aren’t I great to think of that? Maybe if she gets really mad then she’ll stop making products and be less successful. Then I can gain all her customers!” And such cases happen every day, unfortunately, and it’s sad.

#3: Bandwagon Hatred. In this situation, the NEP begins to urge others to hate the SRS. This is possibly the most common method, especially on places with public forums, public video sites, public news sites, and chatrooms. Celebrities that are constantly under public eye are prune to receive scrutiny and personally hateful comments. The more successful a person is, the more other people may resent their success. Comments such as, “She doesn’t deserve custody of her kids,” or, “What a skank!” are just tip of the iceberg… comments that are decidely chosen by the NEP to start a group bonding of hatred words. As we all know, group actions happen in waves.

Consider this example: A male NEP is on stage at a comedy club, trying to deliver his material. He’s not doing so well and no one is laughing. He has spent months preparing his jokes and has worked diligently on his timing, but no one is laughing. For months, he’s been trying to get on stage to do his act and tonight is the big night. His first act. Every joke fails. People are beginning to boo. He needs to get the group involved in something so they can be in agreement. If he can get one person to laugh, he can get everyone to laugh. So he says, “Hey everyone, check out the fat person on the front row! I wonder his wife fucks him. Can she even get on top of you, man? Can you even see your penis?” Then instantly, the crowd begins to laugh. There is group harmony, even though one person has been personally affected by the joke. The bandwagon theme is common in many walks of life, especially everyday whisper gossip (“That girl dresses like a prostitute!” Followed by comments from their allies such as, “Oh my god, I know!” and “Yeah I was just thinking that.”) Group bonding of hatred often bring people together, unfortunately.

#4: Anonymity. A NEP has the opportunity to hide their identities behind a computer. They can use fake names, fake photos, fake locations, fake ages, you name it. For this very purpose, people often feel they can express themselves freely and passionately in any fashion they want without personal backlash. How can they receive personal blows back if no one knows who they are?

#5: Semi-anonymity. A NEP may put their real photo and name on the internet and say hateful things about an SRS and it’s ok because they didn’t say it to their faces. Usually, when a NEP is having a face-to-face discussion with an SRS, they are more likely to display expressions of tact, politeness, and perhaps friendliness. When the NEP goes online, they feel more comfortable being more expressive, even to the point of hatefulness, simply because they cannot physically see the expressions of SRS receiving the comments.

Consider this example. An NEP and an SRS are having a real life discussion at an art show. The SRS has spent months creating new art for the public and has increased the prices because they have doubled their popularity in the last year. The NEP says to the successful artist, “You’re stuff is really unique. I really wish I could afford it, but I’ll recommend you to my friends!” They smile, they part. The next day, the NEP sees artwork on the internet, created by the SRS and there are designated areas on the site for open responses. They begin to write what they *really* think. “Wow that artist sucked! Who in the world would pay three thousand dollars for that piece of junk? My daughter can scribble something better than that! I met the artist and I couldn’t even tell if they were a man or a woman. Probably a dyke bitch.”

#6: Deep-seeded jealousy. Most NEPs will never actually admit they are jealous. In most cases, they will go out of their way to convince others that the SRS is actually jealous of them. They often say and do anything to get attention because they often think, “Why does the SRS get all the attention? Why does the SRS make so much money? Why didn’t I think of that? Why does the SRS have so many customers? Why can’t I do that?”

#7: Mood-swings. Sometimes NEPs say things they don’t mean and have unleashed a stream of hateful comments based on something that triggered an unpredictable emotion. Sometimes a photo, a video, or words, can unleash a negative emotional response based on a personal experience they may have had.

Consider this example. A man goes on the internet to browse and surf cause he’s been studying all night for school. He’s a little pissed at the world cause his assignment is due the next day and he’s waited the last minute to do it. He doesn’t really want to do it… and is procrastinating, which is why he’s online. He’s bored and just wants something to do. Anything. Anything at all to get his mind off of school and homework. He goes to Youtube to watch some videos of people for a laugh. He runs across a video of a teenage girl who is riding a horse and she falls off, breaking her ankle. He laughs and thinks its funny that this girl got hurt. He writes a one word message, “Hahaha…” In this circumstance, he has just become an NEP. The girl who will later read the message, may be personally offended by his lack of sympathy. If the college male were to have personally witnessed this in real life, there is a likely chance he would have gone to her rescue than to laugh.

#8: Miscommunicating. Sometimes people become NEPs because they phrase their opinions in ways that aren’t received in the way they were intended. When opinions and statements are given on the internet, we almost solely rely on text transcriptions to decipher a meaning. Unless we have video, webcam, or 36 billion emoticons, it is virtually impossible to understand the intention and meaning behind everything said. In real life, we read people’s body language, look into their eyes, watch their lips, watch their movements, their breathing, the coloration of their face, the hand gestures, etc. Without these very important features, it is very difficult to always determine how a message was intended to come across. In emails, where emoticons and video are not often used, messages may be misunderstood or misinterpreted, causing hurt feelings and confusion.

Consider this example. A male SRS often receives thousands of emails a week from people who read his books. He’s a reputable author of true crime novels. He receives mostly fan letters, however, sometimes he receives letters that are less than wonderful. He opens his email. One of them starts like this, “This is the third time I’ve had the nerve to email you. Maybe you’re too busy chasing down the next Charles Manson to write me back. I read two of your books and enjoyed them but I’m disappointed that you don’t give credit in the back of the book to so-and-so who was a big part in your success. I think you’re exploiting the victims just to make money and it’s sad.” In such an example, the author may assume the emailer was just being rude and will simply delete it. The emailer, on the other hand, was being honest and simply had poor communication skills. Often times, taking the time to rephrase words, can make opinions appear more dignified, which will increase the chance of receiving a reply.

#9: Freeloaders. Sometimes the NEP just wants something for free and doesn’t want to pay for it. This is often the case in the porn industry or fetish industry. Comments such as, “Take it off! I’m not paying any money just to see your tits. I can see tits anywhere.” Girls who are trying to become successful in the adult industry often find it frustrating to stand out among others when nudity is readily available.

Consider this example. A female SRS sells videos with adult content for a living. She gives away hundreds of free non-nude, teasing samples to her customers. Many curious viewers become members of her adult site. Others, on the other hand, go to the site, masturbate to the free samples, and then leave the site. Over a period of time, the non-paying customer wants to see the SRS naked, but is unable to because they refuse to pay. They write the SRS a message, “Put out a free video with you naked! You are so hot! I want to shoot my load all over you! Sorry though, but I can’t pay. I don’t pay for porn.”

#10: Don’t care. In some cases, the NEP just doesn’t care how their words are spoken, written, or received. They know that on the internet, they can say whatever they choose and they’ll never be reprimanded for it. They love that the internet allows such wonderful free speech and freedom to express themselves however they wish. They readily agree that their comments are often controversial, at times construed as hateful, and they will shrug. They justify this by assuming that the SRS doesn’t have thick enough skin and that their complaints should be doing them a favor. The NEP assumes that by giving negative feedback, they are actually showing the SRS how they can be more successful if they do things the way the NEP would. And in other cases, they just like chaos. They like upsetting people. They like to piss people off and enjoy seeing how much they can get away with before it becomes “too much.” These types of people often like to push the limits and boundaries, and are rarely sympathetic to fellow internet-surfers. Often times, they feel they are in “survival mode” and will say what they want to say in order to outlast and outlive others, as if the internet is a giant competition where winner takes all.

End

——-

There are an infinite number of other explanations behind this phenomena, but these are the ten common ones I’ve most encountered. I hope in writing this, whoever reads this will understand I have written this with positive intention, to help people better understand themselves and others in online communications. My intention was to express how NEPs can say hurtful things and how SRSs can be personally affected by this. The truth is, everyone can become an SRS if they assert themselves diligently without undermining others. All examples are fictional. If any of them seem coincidental or familiar, perhaps this will give you a different perspective the next time you encounter such a situation. I’ll also post this in my blog, in hopes it may help shed light for people who seek a deeper understanding on this.

Love
Isabella
xooxoxox

Fetish MP3: Serial Panty Sniffer

Isabella and Mistress Alexandra are sorority girls in a laundry mat and realize that a suspicious guy is lurking around stealing girls’ panties!

We begin to talk about him behind his back and how twisted he must be to go around stealing dirty panties out of our laundry. Then we catch him sniffing them too! We are kind of grossed out by the idea, since they’re dirty panties and haven’t even been cleaned. In fact, one of those pairs were worn for two whole days and still has the “after-sex” pussy smell.

Panty sniffer man turned out to be a serial-sniffer and does it every week. We have fun guessing who the pervert might be (our janitor? a classmate?) and then finally we decide we’ll just have to hang warning signs all over the laundromat to warn other sorority sisters of the panty thief.

Fetishes include:
Panty sniffing, humiliation, name calling, dirty panties, sex talk, and talking about you behind your back.

Play free sample below (Use stereo headphones!)

Format: MP3 Download
Sound Quality: Professional-First Rate
Vocal Sound Effects: None
Prop Sound Effects: Yes
Background Music: No
Overdubbing Vocals: Yes
Length: 13 minutes, 06 seconds
People Involved: Isabella and Alexandra
Zip File Size: Approx. 25 MB
Price: $19.99
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