Maybe it might snow this year for Christmas, who knows? It’s sometimes 5 degrees outside with snow flurries (but no snow now) – so I’m crossing my fingers. It would be cool to do a snowman – I’ve still never built one before.

My hair is getting so long! It’s now a couple inches past my shoulders… wow. And to think that just 3 years ago, I had no hair at all. Time flies when you’re having fun.

I’m really digging the relaxing holidays this year… relaxing by the fire, hanging up clear ornaments, baking bread, petting the cat, playing video games and board games with friends, and watching Christmas movies like The 12 Dogs of Christmas (which by the way I’ll probably never watch again). Tonight I might watch Miracle on 34th Street (the original). Kind of a tradition. Maurice likes to watch the Charlie Brown christmas thing when it comes on. We missed it when it played earlier. I’ve already got an idea for my next erotic hypnosis recording script. It’ll be quite the dreamy adventure! Will fill you in once I get it started and moving.

I’ve got an appointment with the eye doctor tomorrow so I’m off to get some sleep. Happy happy – cheer cheer!

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox

And I suppose another reason I’ve neglected my journal is because I have no clue who my audience is. Sometimes I lose track of whether I’m writing for myself or for others. And to be perfectly honest, a lot of my own customers probably love me as much as they hate me – so I’m often conflicted as to what exactly people are looking for. Yeah, they want sex. I get that. If I were aligned with that, I’d make my journal a sex journal. But the more I keep strolling along my spiritual path, the less sex I want to create. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex – especially kinky sex. It would take an asteroid destroying the earth for me to change my sexual beliefs. Where I get lost is this: am I meant to please other people or please myself. And the truth is my own customers seem like they are never totally pleased. They always want something more or something different or something I haven’t offered or don’t even want to offer. It seems no matter what I do, people are never fully satisfied. I suppose that’s what happens when I’m at the top. Being at the top can be fun, but it’s also a lot of pressure to please skeptical outsiders who assume I should be able to force them to do stupid things that only please them. I’m not sure exactly what I want to do with my life right now. Maybe I’ll start a vegetarian restaurant or be a veterinarian. Animals are people I can live for and feel really great about. I just don’t feel the same satisfaction bending over backwards for customers who don’t even show their appreciation for my work. Perhaps tomorrow is a new day and I might reconsider some of these thoughts. But for today, I think I just want to watch the presidential debate and watch Obama kick McCain’s ass. I’ve got respect for both guys, but I think McCain is a fool for picking an idiot like Palin to back him up. I can’t vote for McCain if Palin is on the ticket. She makes herself look stupid. Other countries already think we’re stupid and she’s just fueling their fire.

On another note, I feel I need to work on discovering my own grace. How can Sophia Loren be so graceful and still look like she has it all together? I’ve always put grace and weakness in the same category. I suppose having grace is necessary to be or appear balanced.

There’s about a hundred photos taken from the Disney World experience if you’d like to see them. Check them out here in the photo album. Here’s a couple of them:

Love
Isabella
xooxoxox

The only reason I make fun of monks is cause I respect them so much. They get the joke. I just want them to get a strapon too. *sigh* Then they could integrate Source + Sex and have better meditation.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxo

It’s so much fun to be glamorous, I’m inspired to wear it with flip-flops cause it’s what I would have done when I was a little girl in front of the mirror.

Love
Isabella
xoxooxox

It’s also easy to assume that customers don’t want photos of another guy (especially since guys are soooo jealous of someone who has a penis) in my journal because so many people get secretly jealous that he makes me happy that since he/she isn’t in the photo beside me that somehow it excludes them. I enjoy posting photos of us because it documents and scrapbooks our lives and it’s fun to carry a camera around in public to share it with YOU later! If I didn’t have to sugar-coat my language for so many sensitive human beings, I’d be more inclined to say what I really want to say online. The problem is, it doesn’t matter how happy or hurt I get, there is always some anonymous person who is going to hate me so much they blast cruel words at me in hopes I feel it. That’s part of the reason I’m so happy. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s cause I’m finally understanding, even though I still don’t fully understand, the reason why people who have attention from others are sometimes hated. I try so hard to get people to like me that most of the time I can’t even stand myself and I beat myself up. Sometimes I beat myself up so much that I heal myself by reminding myself I can’t please everyone. For me, that’s a hard message to grasp. How is it possible to even say a person can’t please everyone. In my world, I love everyone, so why wouldn’t they like me back? I cringe when I even hear the answer to that, so it’s a rhetorical question. Even Christians, especially christians, hate me – even though they’re technically supposed to love everyone. How is a Christian going to negotiate with Hitler to come into church if they’re not even willing to make fun of themselves and accept the fact that other people hold different view points? My mother, who claims to be so on fire for God she’d die for him, won’t even take the time to look at my tattoos and talk about motorcycles because she thinks it’s of the “world” – which in her mind, is the devil.

I could be a good pastor if I was willing to get in front of a pulpit and negotiate with people who think they’re right all the time. I’d even talk about strapons, sex, and some hardcore religion stuff that would scare people. And I’m sure I could make enough good points that Christians, Buddhists, Wiccans, and Atheists would show up just to hear what my message is. It could be fun to turn my journal into a pulpit, but I kind of like it better as a giant pit of “stuff” because who knows what I’ll talk about tomorrow.

We got our hats from Goodwill for $1.50 each. And Sir Maurice can’t see out of those sunglasses cause they’re non-prescription. It’s funny cause when we pretend to look cool, I think we actually look pretty hot.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

With that being said, I have an addiction to love, sex, food, hypnosis, and talking. I often analyze and debate everything, no matter how silly… so I’m left with questioning why it is important to release addictions that others feel is unhealthy (even if we feel perfectly fine). What’s so wrong with addictions if ultimately we’re getting exactly what we want? What’s wrong with being addicted if self-preservation can be ultimately done satisfactory by the mind?

What’s satisfactory to one person might not be satisfactory to someone else, so who ultimately makes the final judgement? I suppose the addiction debate could go on to infinity and back, but I still don’t see what’s wrong with addictions. Even if an addiction imposes on another person, I still see the beauty of it because it’s a lesson to be learned. It’s just a matter if we surrender to the lesson quick enough so that time doesn’t drag on. I think addictions are healthy and necessary in order to learn greater life lessons. We may as well find addictions that feed our mind beautiful things that protect us from harm.

What is harm anyway? It’s only harmful if we allow it to be harmful. I believe we can avoid harm even if hate is imposed upon us. There are always options. If becoming an isolated black hole is the worst after-life we can possibly get, it’s actually not that bad. I’ve been there and surrendering to that was kind of fun. I think the important lesson I’ve learned is not to judge people with addictions because I’m really starting to think addictions are rather sexy.

Someone once told me that addiction is only bad if it prevents a person from seeing clearly. The question I ask myself, however – is, who decides what’s clear? What’s clear for John Doe might be a beautiful haze to someone more flexible with their learning process.

What is addiction anyway? All it is – is extreme passion for something. If I knew how to play piano and became obsessed with it, is it so bad? Who decided addiction is wrong? So what if it takes up all someone’s time and energy, wouldn’t it just make a person a better player? Anyway, I’m lost in thought again. All I really know is that I don’t know anything. I do admit to my addictions though, cause I like being in the minority. My three pence.

Several new headshots of me taken today:

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox

Here’s the link:
http://www.ritsumei.ac.jp/~akitaoka/rotate-e.html

In the meantime, here’s some new photos of me:

Love
Isabella
xoxoxo

There are 20 total photos

Love
Isabella
xoxoxo

Love
Isabella
xoxooxo

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox