Lea~Koa is a beautiful treat that my sister Goddess, Kasha Shakti, and I have been collaborating on for quite some time. It’s a site designed around the soul, dedicated to the living Goddess and to the Supreme Being. It’s unlike anything we’ve ever done and we’re pleased to give you all the products we create together for Lea~Koa absolutely free. Right now, we’ve released two recordings to the public, “Chakral Devotion” and “Enchantment of Lea~Koa.” We can’t wait for you to check them out, we trust you’ll enjoy it!

Will you come and check out Lea~Koa? We’d really love to have you!

If anything, you get to hear two free recordings (and more as we update)! All the mp3s we design together on Lea~Koa are gender-neutral so they can reach a wider audience. We’re hoping you, YES YOU, will come by and listen for a while

Spare an hour. We’ll give you the world as you’ve never seen it.

I allow myself to be an easy target, which is why I sometimes receive cruel letters from good people who are deeply insecure. I’ve been called everything from a fat whore to a hypnotist pig to an unfit scary person. Those letters make me more beautiful, so keep sending them! Ironically, one person wrote me today and said I shouldn’t be allowed to do my profession and should change my field. That struck me as funny actually. Didn’t I just mention two entries ago I wanted to change my profession to become a medical doctor? It’ll take years till that’s accomplished, but it’s important to have dreams. Not just that… but it seems equally humorous that one would assume that doctors, hypnotists, well… any profession for that matter… never get sick or get illnesses. Although some might call it denial, I still don’t think I’m sick, and in fact think I am perfectly well (and yes, I can still admit I went 3 nights sleep deprived which may have resulted or been symptoms of the hallucinations). If I were bipolar, I would have really high highs and really low lows. If I had a history of low-low’s then sure, I could see that. But I’ve been consistently high for two years. It’s like an adrenaline rush most of the time and it’s like I’ve been injected with shots of euphoria. The times I’ve been sad, which haven’t been many, lasted at most, two days and they were justified – whether my cat was in the hospital or someone broke up with me or moved out or whatever. So let’s see. In the last 5 years, I’ve experienced tremendous sadness for maybe a total of 10 days. Each one felt justified for sadness. When friend Aaron died, my heart needed to mourn. When my cat was in the hospital (twice), I kept my composure but still felt an ache. When I’ve had relationship troubles, sure I’d cry. It means a lot to me that people have written me and said that’s normal and we ALL go through that. We wouldn’t be human if we never experienced sadness.

Sadness and depression are two different things. I don’t think I’ve lived one depressed day of my life. Not even when I was a child. Sometimes I actually wish I WERE depressed simply so I could reach out to people who ARE depressed so I can help them out of it. Sometimes I wish I could take all the pain and misery from every person on earth and carry it on my shoulders just so other people could feel WELL and ALIVE. But that’s not my purpose during Earth-game. Right now I’m here to help people relieve sexual stress and tension. That’s why erotic hypnosis comes so naturally to me. Fetish is my middle name. Fantasy is where I live. I’m glad that God has a sense of humor with me and allows me to be a sexual Goddess in this game of life because every sign in the world seems to tell me I’m on the right path.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m far from perfect. Sometimes I pretend to be. It’s a game I play. Lately, though, I’ve been stuffing my face with humble pie and the humility tastes really good. I even gave my slave a blowjob this morning for the first time – ever. I did it because I love him and I’m confident enough in my dominant personality to not let labels prevent me from exploring my submissive side too. Anyone who read my journal entries from five years ago knows I was submissive long before I was a dominant. Great mistresses/masters were likely great submissives. How else will the one in charge know what the slave wants? It takes one to know one. Great leaders were likely great followers. It’s how they learned to speak to others and convince them to come along. Great hypnotists were likely great listeners. Great doctors were likely great patients. Now I want to be a doctor because I know what it’s like to need treatment. I know how I want to reach people. I felt that one of the doctors was quite rude to me because he wouldn’t listen to me. I want to be one of those doctors who makes a lifelong positive impact on people’s lives and takes the time to listen and connect with patients. Most doctors, in my opinion, are good people. However, if more of them took communication classes – patients would likely experience healing at a more accelerated rate.

I could write forever. When my fingers design the words that sculpt a brand new journal entry, I get lost in translation. Interpretation is where I tiptoe though, because everyone has different opinions. I only write because I want to connect. It’s hard to find brutally honest people who lay everything out there. It’s a vulnerable journey. If I weren’t vulnerable, I doubt I’d be this successful. If I weren’t honest, my customers would probably see me as “just another erotic hypnotist” or “just another domme on the internet.” There are days all I want to do is put my real name out there instead of hiding behind the fictious name, “Isabella Valentine.” Friends and family say using a stage name is the smart, safe, and cautious thing to do. Others say it’ll benefit future paths to remain cloaked, since I’m technically in the adult field. But I gotta admit, it sucks sometimes to have a real name and a fake name. Thankfully, the two personas overlap nicely and what I believe, Isabella believes. Is it just a name? When I created the character of Isabella Valentine, I gave her a fake birthday and a fake city to live in and fake interests, because I wanted people to like her. However people liked me more when I was honest. And my income more than quadrupled just by showing vulnerability. For years, I’ve poured honesty onto the pages and many people lurk my blog without commenting. Sometimes people have nothing to say. Sometimes they have everything to say but don’t know how to say it. Who is my audience? Anyone who wants to know me.

I’m past the point of trying to impress people. The life I live is the one I’ve designed myself. And everyone has the ability to do the same thing. That’s the difference between someone confident and someone snobby. A confident person thinks, “I’m great and so is everyone else.” And a snob thinks, “I’m great and no one else is.” I can tell you right now that all I want to do is empower people. It turns me on (even sexually) to watch people become their best selves. In the last year, I’ve humbly learned that I cannot change people. Sure everyone knows this age-old secret, but it doesn’t mean I believed it. I can reframe opinions, sure. But a person only changes if they want to change. And THAT is why I’ve learned to find humor in replies from insecure people who send, what I call “target letters,” designed to get a rise out of me. The only rise I might get is a hard clitty.

This does beg the question, are our emotions solid? I can’t help but doubt it. If I had a penny for each time I’ve changed my mind, evolved, or changed my perspective, I think I’d be a trillionaire by now. Answers I gave a month, a year, or five years ago will certainly appear differently now. I certainly hope so, too! If we aren’t willing to improve by changing our minds, how can we be role models for our voyeurs? It takes a strong person to be willing to change course on a different life path. More power to them! If they happen to hallucinate along the way cause they’re having a beautiful spiritual experience, then by all means introduce me to them!

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

The question, although simply stated, required much thought on my part… to consider new possibilities. The question was, “Would you consider also having a male or transgender equal in addition to your female lesbian equal, your female submissive girl, and your male submissive boy?”

My first thought-spoken answer, without hesitation was, “No way.”

But then I thought about it. And thought about it some more. Then slept on it. Then spent most of today thinking about it. My answer has turned into YES, with the exception that whomever the person may be, must be attractive to me, not just on a spiritual/emotional/mental level (that’s the easy part), but also on a physical level. It’s very difficult for me to find men that I find attractive. I’m not into “pretty boys” or muscular beach-boy types. I like geeks, computer nerds, programmers, smart, intellectual genders. If the person happens to have a penis, I suppose I might be ok having a relationship with them… but as far as sexual attraction, I really don’t know. I’m not often turned on by men, for the most part. It would take an exceptional person, and I do mean exceptional… for me to consider saying yes.

Someone asked me which male celebrity I would have sex with, if given the opportunity, and my answer is firmly, “Johnny Depp,” who is very in tune with his feminine side, reflects intellectualism and talent, and is fine as hell. I suppose if I met a man who could balance femininity and masculinity and showed surreal intellect and talent, I could possibly consider a full-time relationship with him. But of course, you’d have to keep in mind that I could never remain monogomous with a man. I NEED women. I cannot and will not live without women. As long as I get to have my cake and eat it too, then I would consider it.

It’s amazing. The questions and responses I receive from journal-readers never cease to surprise me. It means a lot that even though I live a very complex and often, hard-to-understand lifestyle, my world generates enough interest to be considered worth reading. In between all the bullshit, exaggerations, and storytelling, there is a lot of surreal down-to-earth realism in the dropless form of reality that I live. Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out fantasy from reality, because of times I feel I live in the fantasy world that once existed in only my head. Today, my fantasy world has manifested into a richness of life and colors which only continues to surpass my expectations.

Yesterday, I remember asking the question to myself, “Do we have free will?” In the past, I would have automatically answered yes. Now, I’m not so sure.

It wasn’t until a couple months ago that I started believing in past-life experiences (before, I rejected it whole-heartedly as a stupid myth). Not only do I believe in it now, I actually believe I am an old soul who has possibly lived 14,000 lifetimes, much more than the average person who has lived in the hundreds. And as humbly as I can say this, I often feel as though I only have one lifetime left before I return to “connection to source.” In November of last year, during my Hawaiian experience, I discovered my life lesson. My sole purpose of learning during THIS lifetime. Right now, I am in the process of executing it.

There are times I feel that all I’d have to do is close my eyes, and I could easily remove my soul from my body and go off into a different plane/dimension. Doing so would, in fact, mean I would die as a human. I have no problem or fear of death, but embrace it. Sometimes I wonder how many human years I have left before I allow myself to go. And it simply would be a matter of simply shutting my eyes (so don’t confuse this with suicide). The thing is, I still have many human unfinished business things I’d have to work on before that happens (for instance, I refuse to die if my family is stuck paying my house payments).

During one of my metaphysical out-of-body experiences, I had a personal message delivered to me by one of my spirit guides (I know, I sound ridiculous to most of you right now) and I was told that my NEXT lifetime will be my last, because the life lesson I need to learn cannot be learned in this current, human lifetime. My next lifetime, I’ll learn the art of losing control. I thought it was ironic, since I spend most of my days as a hypnotist, urging YOU to lose control… when the truth is, I control everything. I feel like I rely on control just to breathe. I often feel I need to control other people sometimes or control my environment. Leadership comes naturally to me and when I have to give up control, it’s often a slap in the face. My next lifetime will revolve around that, and will certainly be a lesson worth learning. In the meantime, my objective during THIS lifetime is to start spreading healing through knowledge and guidance. Who would have thought that’s what it would have become? Healing? And on a human level, with my obsession with sexuality and gender issues… it only seems natural to combine healing with sex, to help people become one with themselves, to help people accept themselves as WHO they are and embrace their genders no matter what they may be. My feminization recordings will only continue to improve and will certainly soon go further up the path of gender-acceptance and healing.

With that being said, how can I teach the art of gender-acceptance without considering the possibility of having a lifetime relationship with one of every gender?

Love
Isabella
xoxoxoox

Then I was asked, “What makes a color beautiful?” and I had to really think. It’s been four days now since that question was asked and tonight I finally have the answer. Light.

Without light, we cannot see color and we are left in darkness, right? So what happens if we close our eyes and cannot see? Well, we have drops of lights that shine under our eyelids that move around and so light continues to exist. But what about inside black holes or in places where light becomes trapped? Is it still beautiful?

So if light = beauty… then what is darkness? Is darkness supposed to be the opposite of beauty? I thought about that really long and hard, because black is one of my favorite colors and darkness to can be extremely beautiful however, that’s not true blackness is it? After all, if we see something black, then our eyes are open, thus bringing in LIGHT… right? So — in essence, as long as we open our eyes, everything is beautiful.

Tonight I walked outside (today was our day off from class, so we had time to ourselves) and really made an effort to appreciate nature’s beauty. The sidewalk seemed beautiful as I noticed the cracks and the way the grass hits the edge of the concrete. The palm tree leaves that drip little droplets of water from the rain from earlier. The little lawn lights that line the sidewalk that allow us to see – as well as are beautiful. And I noticed the grass underneath the light that seemed to beautiful because it was LIT… and the further I walked away from the light, the less beautiful it became. So perhaps light IS beauty… or to me, it was.

I meditated out by the ocean late at night and appreciated the light of the insects that seemed to twinkle as they flew around, the sea turtles lit up often as well, glowing fish seemed to come alive, the lights from cruises and sailboats seemed to call out to me, the lights from nearby hotels and homes I could see from my perifial vision… I never really noticed the light before.

Light is everywhere. Well, except where light becomes trapped. So if a person becomes trapped, does THAT equal the opposite of beauty? If someone is in a cage and being dominated in darkness, can it still be beautiful? Yes… because there can still be sound.

So what if sound is taken away… can there still be beauty? At first my answer was no, but then I remembered Helen Keller saying that there is beauty in things you touch. And I remember times in the past where I would close my eyes and without hearing any sounds at all, have run my hands over a girl’s naked body or felt the moistness of her soft pussy and to me it was one of the most beautiful, intimate moments of my life. So obviously, TOUCH by itself can equal beauty.

Assuming that light is beautiful (any time we open our eyes), and sound is beautiful (ocean, whispers, words), and touch is beautiful (softness, hardness, texture, wetness) — then in essence, isn’t everything in the world beautiful?

So if EVERYTHING is beauty, then WHAT is it? Can beauty be defined? Is there such a thing or is beauty the word we describe about something when we finally reach that state of connection?

These photos are experimental shots taken at night.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

I know it seems like I’m talking vaguely but bear with me cause I’m trying to use this journal to sort my thoughts at the same time. The thing is – I’ve always been a sexual person – an intensely sexual person — everything is sexual to me. The trees, the sky, people, things, it’s everywhere for me – sex is everywhere and a part of everything to me. But someone said to me, “Is sex your religion?” and I had to think about it for a little bit. Actually I thought about it a lot… a couple days now and I’ve finally come to the realization that sex has been my religion for years. And then I was asked, “Where does your idea of sexuality end and where does spirituality begin?” At first, that was extremely hard for me to grasp, especially since I didn’t believe in spirituality. It seemed hokey and stupid to me. When I think of spirituality, I think of all the ridiculous religions out there and some white bearded man in the clouds who hates people. Once I broke down that barrier, many things have seemed to come clear to me.

I can’t explain this right now cause I’m still in a state of trying to understand what my beliefs are. I do know that I’m a miserable person. I really am. I mean, yeah I have happy days where I am on top of the world… I have all the money I could ever need, all the material possessions a human being could ever want, have friends, success, a great career, and I know what my passions are… but even with all that… I have always felt like something was missing. Like a void. It’s not something I’ve really shared with people because I’m still working on my own issues of control. Oh yeah. I have serious control issues. I hate even admitting that sometimes. Sometimes I feel if I say things that are my faults, that somehow that makes me weaker as a person. I hate being seen as weak, small, humble, or vulnerable because I equate it with submissiveness, weakness, and just being less strong as a person. I LIKE being strong and tough… but the problem with that is that I usually wear this fucking mask that is designed to both protect me as well as others. It protects ME because I don’t have to worry about rejection. And it protects OTHERS because they won’t be subject to my harsh negativity.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. But I know what I’m feeling when I write this and that’s a start.

I felt something that I can’t explain. I don’t want to call it God because that’s just weird for me and I’m not ready to accept that. But I felt SOMETHING and it felt like electricity. And for the last two days I’ve become more and more in tune to it. It’s a “connection to source” where I just felt plugged into the world for once. For some people, that makes them laugh or roll their eyes, that’s ok, I still do it sometimes. And for other people, they sometimes get goosebumps as they think about the possibility of an anti-spiritual person accepting some sort of belief, even if it starts at baby steps.

Is there a such thing as accepting spirituality in baby steps? It seems to be happening to me.

Two nights ago, I remember lying in bed listening to the ocean and I said the word “God” out loud like 200 times just so I could say the word without twitching. It was very difficult to do, but I “pretended” that the existence of God (not the religious God, mind you – just the electric overall presence of it) and I figured I had nothing to lose to PRETEND. After all, anyone can pretend, right? I even tried replacing the word God with Jehovah or Allah but still felt pretty fucked up about it… so here’s what I did… please don’t laugh. haha. I closed my eyes and asked my unconscious mind, If I’m uncomfortable with the word God, what would would I choose instead? And I just listened for a second and the first word that I thought of was “loa” which I had no idea what it meant. No clue. It was a word I made up and had never even heard it before. And when I said the word aloud and listened to the ocean, I felt my whole body go into catalepsy and felt paralyzed from head to toe. It was calm, but I didn’t know how to tell the difference between feeling being “still” to being “in tune” to spirituality. After all, how can someone KNOW if they don’t know what they’re looking for? The next day, out of curiousity, I typed in “loa” on wikipedia and was utterly shocked. It even means “love” in another language and is apparently an intermediary between people and gods. I mean how fucked up is that – that I came up with that word – a word I had never heard before — and it meant THAT. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now… EVERYTHING reminds me of loa – “lords of acid” a sexual band, “law of attraction” – faith, and here in Hawaii apparently loa is part of the name of either one of the mountains or volcanos or something.

The next thing I am about to say was a surreal experience for me, but it may just seem stupid to some people. I listened. I really LISTENED to the sound of the ocean, which I could hear with the balcony door open in the room. And I said out loud (I don’t know why I said it, I just wanted to be proven wrong, I guess), “Loa or whatever this is, I want to hear… I want to feel… Let me see…” And as I said that, INSTANTLY the sprinklers outside came on and at first I saw it as a distraction and got annoyed but then I thought to myself, Didn’t I ask to hear? Maybe I should just shut up and stop arguing with myself and just listen for once. and the minute I stopped arguing and analyzing the coincidence of the sprinkler coming on, I felt — I really FELT my whole body being cleansed by the water from inside my body. I can’t explain it. It immediately put me into a sleep and I woke up 8 hours later.

When I woke up the next morning, I thought what I had experienced was silly, perhaps stupid so I kind of kept the experience to myself. But THROUGHOUT the DAY, I had at least 6 experiences similar to that. I could feel it just looking into people’s eyes or feeling a table or looking at a plant, a tree, or the ocean. And it was as though SOMETHING was trying to connect to ME. It felt like electricity, an energy, something. I feel kind of ridiculous just writing this out, but I guess that’s just something I have to deal with… but I felt it… and saw it… and heard it.

Today I’m beginning to think it’s all around me.

The last couple nights I’ve been hypnotizing other students to help their sex lives privately in my hotel room. Many of them are familiar with my Isabella Valentine persona, so they wanted to see how I could incorporate sex into hypnosis – as it was very new to them. I felt the presence of loa, god, energy, connection to source, whatever the hell you want to call it – each time I hypnotized a person. The transitions in their bodies and attitudes changed tremendously in such a short time. For the first time in my life, I physically saw transformations before my very own eyes based on words that I said and I feel utterly and completely inspired to do hypnosis and stuff to help people’s lives on a bigger scale. Not just domination – something bigger and deeper than that. This feeling – I can’t explain it, but it’s a feeling that once people experience it, there is no better thing in the world. No words. It transcends sex. It’s bigger and better than sex. When someone touches me now, my whole skin comes alive. When someone looks into my eyes, I see something more than just a pupil and an iris.

I never thought the day would come where I would write something like this. But I have. And that’s a giant step for me.

Love
Isabella
xoxoxox

P.S. There are earthquakes and tremors on this island every day. The other day I felt tremors and as the ground shook, my whole body went into this complete state of peace and bliss. Is it stupid that I feel I connect with the land out here? Shit. This is crazy but I’m going to stop fighting it because this feels wonderful.